Sadness

I did not get sad after I had Miles.  No one was worried about me having PPD.  The rare tears I shed were in complete and utter happiness.
One year later, I'm battling depression.  Working two jobs, falling on the ice, catching the flu, and being separated from Miles on a daily basis have taken their tole.  I cry in the mornings when he leaves.  I fight the urge to call and check on him during the day (he's fine!).  I cry at night just thinking about leaving him in the morning.  I didn't know so much sadness could come from so much joy.
I have been asking other moms if they had any trouble at the 1 year mark.  I know my hormones are in limbo from weaning.  No one I talk to seems to have experienced the same thing.  I hope to get some help from my midwife next week. 

I've got to do something.  Crying several times a day is exhausting, but I still have trouble getting to sleep.  When I do fall asleep, I have crazy dreams.  HELP!

Reflections

You probably expected this post to be reflections on parenting.  I guess it could be, but grad school consumes my free moments.  I am a reflection machine.  My final project includes 15 reflections on coursework I have completed over the past three years.  Many of these reflections I completed as I did the work, but I still have a few left to do.  I look back and see the purpose of every assignment and how it directly applies to my teaching today.  It truly is a beneficial process and one I should probably apply to more aspects of my life: faith, health, family.  What am I doing to have a better relationship with God, better health, and better family relationships?  I am almost tempted to follow the grad school reflective writing process and see what I find out.  Scary in more ways than one.  

Miles helps type reflections