End in Sight

I survived the winter months when it seemed the school year may never end.  There were definite times I didn't think I could hold it together and make it through the day.  Now, I have three weeks left, and many of those days will be filled with testing, field days, and end-of-year ceremonies.  This will be my final summer of grad school, too.  I am SO thankful for the time change and extra daylight to spend with Miles.  He would be content to play outside all day every day.  This summer he will go to "school" for the first time.  We are sending him to mom's morning out 2 days a week.  Miles is extremely social, so I know it will be good for him to be around other children.  Here are some pics from the past few months:

What's a walk without sticks?

Running downhill

1st boo boo

At the playground

Swinging: Miles' favorite!

Mastitis

After a 2-month weaning period, this was our 1st week not breast feeding.  Miles did great.  I, on the other hand, developed Mastitis.  The lactation specialist told me to wear cabbage in my bra...ha!  (The art teacher I work with asked me if I had any pintos to go along with it.)  I finally gave in an called the doctor when I could barely lift my arm this morning.  Oh, the pain!  What's worse is that it doesn't stop there.  I also have flu-like symptoms from the infection.  I understand the antibiotics will help me feel better very soon.  I hope that means tomorrow!!!

Sadness

I did not get sad after I had Miles.  No one was worried about me having PPD.  The rare tears I shed were in complete and utter happiness.
One year later, I'm battling depression.  Working two jobs, falling on the ice, catching the flu, and being separated from Miles on a daily basis have taken their tole.  I cry in the mornings when he leaves.  I fight the urge to call and check on him during the day (he's fine!).  I cry at night just thinking about leaving him in the morning.  I didn't know so much sadness could come from so much joy.
I have been asking other moms if they had any trouble at the 1 year mark.  I know my hormones are in limbo from weaning.  No one I talk to seems to have experienced the same thing.  I hope to get some help from my midwife next week. 

I've got to do something.  Crying several times a day is exhausting, but I still have trouble getting to sleep.  When I do fall asleep, I have crazy dreams.  HELP!

Reflections

You probably expected this post to be reflections on parenting.  I guess it could be, but grad school consumes my free moments.  I am a reflection machine.  My final project includes 15 reflections on coursework I have completed over the past three years.  Many of these reflections I completed as I did the work, but I still have a few left to do.  I look back and see the purpose of every assignment and how it directly applies to my teaching today.  It truly is a beneficial process and one I should probably apply to more aspects of my life: faith, health, family.  What am I doing to have a better relationship with God, better health, and better family relationships?  I am almost tempted to follow the grad school reflective writing process and see what I find out.  Scary in more ways than one.  

Miles helps type reflections

Holidays

I thought for sure I would update my blog at some point during the holidays.  Truth be told: I was enjoying Miles and Dustin so much, I didn't even think to sit down at the computer and write.  

We did, in fact, put up a real Christmas tree with large multicolored "old-school" lights.

Snow on Christmas day was magnificent!  Miles loved every minute of time with his big families.  

I am just wrapping up an unexpected entire week at home with him due to snow.  I didn't get sad when we went back to school after the holidays, but I am getting sad, now, knowing I won't have a Spring break to look forward to.  Ah...it is what it is!    

This semester, I face the challenge of putting together my portfolio for the State of NC to pass for masters level teaching licensure.  I feel prepared and stressed at the same time.  I did not expect to me a mom and graduate student at the same time, but God knows what He's doing.  

Christmas Tree

I had a friend ask me if THIS year I would actually put up a Christmas tree (for baby Miles).

We took my parents with us when shopping for a new house.  The 1st question from the realtor was, "Where will you put the Christmas tree?"  My mother responded, "I think we overdid it with her as a child."

I don't know where it stems from, but I don't enjoy decorating a tree.  Our "fixins" are in the basement of Dustin's brother's house and haven't been seen for over 5 years.

No decision has been made, but we have discussed a small artificial tree for Miles' room and/or a real tree with lights on the porch.

I am actually excited about Christmas this year, but is a tree really necessary?

HOWEVER, I am going to send out one of those really cheesy Christmas cards with Miles front and center (just no Christmas letter; we're not that desperate for attention!).

Enjoy your Christmas...here it comes : )

Last Christmas

2 weeks ago...time flies!!!

Poor Baby

Miles had surgery this week.  I was prepared to boo hoo when I saw my screaming child after surgery, but it was just the opposite.  They took me to a small quiet room with a rocking chair.  I greeted a groggy baby who cuddled up immediately to nurse and go back to sleep.  I had also geared myself up to go back into newborn mode: sleep when the baby sleeps, etc., but he slid right back into his routine.  He is such a trooper!  The worst part has been strapping him into the car seat 48 hours later and hearing whimpers and seeing him grab at the buckle near his incisions.  Poor little buddy!  I was fine to go back home with him, even though my errands weren't done.  Actually, I'd be happy to stay home with him EVERY day.  I am amazed at how much I get done and how happy I am being home with the little man.  I am a different person.  I like this person and this life much better.  Oh, well.