New Job

I never saw myself as "mommy" material, much less a stay-at-home mom, but that is the direction God led me this year. I cried many mornings at work during car duty, envious of those mothers driving their big SUVs, wearing workout clothes, dropping their beautiful children off at school. Then, I found myself in my own version of that image this week dressed in new workout clothes, walking my beautiful Miles into play school, and heading off in my VW wagon. I actually laughed out loud when I realized it. It's not often our dreams come true. I know this is not an outrageous dream, but it is the only dream I've had for 2 years. I am a whole new person: energized; excited about life; not dreading every morning; planning fun (free) things to do; even cooking meals! I am so grateful for the people God put in my path to make this possible.

18 Months

My summer was filled with graduate work, but my wonderful husband took us to the beach for two whole weeks to celebrate the end of summer.  Miles loves everything about the beach!  

My teaching position has changed.  I now only work at 2 schools, 1 of which is new to me.  So far, things are A LOT better than last year.

Today was another MILEStone.  We took down the baby gate.  It served us well for many months!  Miles is putting together 2-word phrases like "Bye Dada" or "My Ball."  He is into climbing and anything with wheels.  One of my favorite words to hear him say is "bicycle."  It's quite clear.

Daddy is super proud that Miles can make a sound on the trumpet.  After 18 months of perfecting his buzz, Miles can finally make a decent sound on the "baba" (trumpet).  So far, he is living up to his name!

Miles and his best buddy and cousin, Hannah.

The newest addition to our bathroom: The Elmo Potty

Mommy & Miles enjoying the beach

End in Sight

I survived the winter months when it seemed the school year may never end.  There were definite times I didn't think I could hold it together and make it through the day.  Now, I have three weeks left, and many of those days will be filled with testing, field days, and end-of-year ceremonies.  This will be my final summer of grad school, too.  I am SO thankful for the time change and extra daylight to spend with Miles.  He would be content to play outside all day every day.  This summer he will go to "school" for the first time.  We are sending him to mom's morning out 2 days a week.  Miles is extremely social, so I know it will be good for him to be around other children.  Here are some pics from the past few months:

What's a walk without sticks?

Running downhill

1st boo boo

At the playground

Swinging: Miles' favorite!

Mastitis

After a 2-month weaning period, this was our 1st week not breast feeding.  Miles did great.  I, on the other hand, developed Mastitis.  The lactation specialist told me to wear cabbage in my bra...ha!  (The art teacher I work with asked me if I had any pintos to go along with it.)  I finally gave in an called the doctor when I could barely lift my arm this morning.  Oh, the pain!  What's worse is that it doesn't stop there.  I also have flu-like symptoms from the infection.  I understand the antibiotics will help me feel better very soon.  I hope that means tomorrow!!!

Sadness

I did not get sad after I had Miles.  No one was worried about me having PPD.  The rare tears I shed were in complete and utter happiness.
One year later, I'm battling depression.  Working two jobs, falling on the ice, catching the flu, and being separated from Miles on a daily basis have taken their tole.  I cry in the mornings when he leaves.  I fight the urge to call and check on him during the day (he's fine!).  I cry at night just thinking about leaving him in the morning.  I didn't know so much sadness could come from so much joy.
I have been asking other moms if they had any trouble at the 1 year mark.  I know my hormones are in limbo from weaning.  No one I talk to seems to have experienced the same thing.  I hope to get some help from my midwife next week. 

I've got to do something.  Crying several times a day is exhausting, but I still have trouble getting to sleep.  When I do fall asleep, I have crazy dreams.  HELP!

Reflections

You probably expected this post to be reflections on parenting.  I guess it could be, but grad school consumes my free moments.  I am a reflection machine.  My final project includes 15 reflections on coursework I have completed over the past three years.  Many of these reflections I completed as I did the work, but I still have a few left to do.  I look back and see the purpose of every assignment and how it directly applies to my teaching today.  It truly is a beneficial process and one I should probably apply to more aspects of my life: faith, health, family.  What am I doing to have a better relationship with God, better health, and better family relationships?  I am almost tempted to follow the grad school reflective writing process and see what I find out.  Scary in more ways than one.  

Miles helps type reflections

Holidays

I thought for sure I would update my blog at some point during the holidays.  Truth be told: I was enjoying Miles and Dustin so much, I didn't even think to sit down at the computer and write.  

We did, in fact, put up a real Christmas tree with large multicolored "old-school" lights.

Snow on Christmas day was magnificent!  Miles loved every minute of time with his big families.  

I am just wrapping up an unexpected entire week at home with him due to snow.  I didn't get sad when we went back to school after the holidays, but I am getting sad, now, knowing I won't have a Spring break to look forward to.  Ah...it is what it is!    

This semester, I face the challenge of putting together my portfolio for the State of NC to pass for masters level teaching licensure.  I feel prepared and stressed at the same time.  I did not expect to me a mom and graduate student at the same time, but God knows what He's doing.